“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
I still remember the first time my little one clung to me at the school gate, tears welling up in her eyes as I gently tried to let go. Whether it’s a new playgroup, a quick trip to the store, or just stepping out of sight for a moment, these everyday moments can turn into emotional goodbyes when our little ones aren’t quite ready to let us go.
Separating anxiety is probably something you have experienced as an Australian parent negotiating the world of infancy. Although this is a normal developmental period, it does not make life any easier for either of you. Seeing your child upset can set your heartstrings on fire and leave you wondering about how best to help her.
But fellow parents, inhale deeply now. Though difficult, separation anxiety is a phase most toddlers outgrow. The good news is that, when you’re apart, your little friend will feel more confident and safe if you employ several mild but powerful techniques.
This blog article is loaded with useful advice and ideas catered for Australian families to enable you to negotiate this stage with empathy and understanding.
Knowing the Reason It Happens
Let’s quickly review the causes of separation anxiety before delving into the remedies. Toddlers are their entire universe; they rely on you for everything they need, including comfort and protection. They may feel uncertain and worried about when and if you will return as they grow to have a better sense of self and realise you can be physically absent. Their reaction indicates good attachment; thus, they are very close to you. Though it can be difficult to see, try to keep in mind that their response results from love and trust.
Creating a Security Foundation
Making sure your child feels safe and loved in their daily surroundings is absolutely essential in the first step towards reducing separation anxiety. Even when you’re not right here right now, a consistent and loving home life lays a strong basis that helps children feel safe. This entails developing a regular daily schedule rich in love, affection, and many chances for connection. For a toddler, knowing what to expect all through the day can be quite comforting.
Useful Techniques for Saying Goodbye (Without Tears… Hopefully!)
Let us now get right to some doable advice you could start using immediately. These techniques help your child develop confidence in their ability to manage by smoothing out separations.
Create a Regular Agenda
Toddlers get great satisfaction from consistency. Knowing what lies ahead in their daily schedule can significantly reduce anxiety. Regarding separations, a regular goodbye ritual can be especially beneficial.
The procedure might call for a particular phrase you always say, a high-five, a unique hug, or even a ridiculous song. Keeping it brief, sweet, and consistent is the secret. This lets your child know what to expect and signals that it’s time for you to leave as well as that you will be back.
I’ll be honest — when I first tried a goodbye ritual with my little one, I felt a bit silly. We picked a “magic hug” where we squeeze each other tight and say, “See you soon, my little munchkin!”
At first, she still cried a lot when I left, and honestly, my heart broke every time. But after a few days, something amazing happened: she started asking for the magic hug before I even said goodbye. It became our special little moment of connection before the separation.
After about a week or so, even though there are still a few tears some days, she knows the goodbye is part of our routine — and more importantly, she trusts that I’m always coming back. If you’re feeling unsure about it, just know you’re not alone. It really does get easier, one “magic hug” at a time.
Try Short Separations
Start small and then progressively extend your time apart. You could start by leaving your child under the care of a trusted relative for very brief times while you are still in the house. For a few minutes, you might, for instance, pop into another room while they play. You can progressively stretch the time and eventually run short errands as they grow more at ease with these little trips. This lets them know you always come back.
Here’s how it worked for us: The first time I tried leaving my toddler with my sister, I ‘just went to the bathroom’—but stood silently outside the door like a creep, listening for meltdowns. (Spoiler: She was fine, singing ‘Baby Shark’ to the dog.) A month later, I could finally grab groceries alone… and she barely looked up from her snack. Progress!
Plan a Unique Farewell Ritual
Here you can get creative! Create a special farewell custom only for your child and you. It could be a secret handshake, a unique kiss on the nose, or a little heart drawn on their hand; they could “keep safe” it until you get back. Right before you depart, this custom offers comfort and a connection. Make it entertaining and something they are looking forward to.
Keep Calm and Confident
Your child’s anxiety levels can be much reduced by your attitude and energy. Should you show signs of anxiety or concern about leaving them, they will probably pick up on it and experience more anxiety themselves. Try your best to present calmness and confidence even if you’re a little emotional. Helping your child feel safe can be much enhanced by a confident voice tone and a reassuring smile.
I remember the first time I dropped my daughter off at daycare — my stomach was in knots, and I could feel the tears welling up. But I knew if she saw me looking scared, it would only make it harder for her. So I put on my biggest, brightest smile, gave her a cheerful “Have the best day, sweet girl!” and a big hug.
Inside, I was crumbling, but on the outside, I stayed steady for her. And you know what? She gave me a little wave and toddled off to play. Kids are so sensitive to our energy — sometimes being brave on the outside helps them feel brave on the inside too.
Never Sneak Away
Although it would seem simpler to sneak out while your child is preoccupied, this can really backfire. When they discover you’ve left without saying goodbye, they might feel confused, betrayed, and more anxious about future separations. Always say goodbye, even if it causes tears. Honour their emotions, reassure them you will be back, then quietly and boldly walk away.
Provide Reassurance and Comfort
Offer your child lots of comfort and reassurance when they are anxious. Words of affirmation, a tender hug, and a soft pat on the back will help them to feel loved and safe. Say things like, “I know you feel a little sad that I’m leaving, and that’s okay” to honour their emotions. Avoid too long lingering or too frequent apologies, though, as these may unintentionally feed their anxiety.
Use Their Preferred Blanket or Toy
When you’re not around, a familiar comfort object—such as a soft blanket or a favourite teddy bear—can give your toddler security. Urge them to bring their particular item with them when they ‘re apart from you. This transitional object can help one find comfort during times of anxiety and serve as a reminder of home.
My little girl used to hate daycare drop-offs until we started sending her with ‘Mr. Bumbles,’ her raggedy old bear. At first, she’d clutch him like a lifeline, but within a week? She’d march in, plop him in the ‘reading corner,’ and announce, ‘Bumbles needs a nap, I’ll play now.’ (Cue me ugly-crying in the car.)
Pro tip: Let them ‘introduce’ the toy to the caregiver—‘This is Flopsy! She’s shy, so hold her paw, okay?’—it builds trust. And if they forget it? No panic. Mine once used a crumpled sock as a ‘stand-in lovey.’ Toddler logic wins again.
Managing New Surfaces: Kindergarten and Childcare
For your child as well as you, beginning kindergarten or childcare marks a major turning point. Separation anxiety naturally peaks at this point of transition. These further suggestions will help to smooth out this process:
- Visit before your child formally starts: If at all possible, schedule visits to the kindergarten or childcare facility. The visit lets them meet the teachers, get acquainted with the surroundings, and watch other kids playing. Understanding your expectations will help you to greatly lower anxiety. You might even look for a “kindergarten near me” to see if they provide orientation sessions and to find choices in your neighbourhood.
- Talk about it. Positively and excitingly discuss with your child their upcoming journey. Emphasise the enjoyable activities they will engage in—such as learning new skills, befriending others, and playing with novel toys. To help them to know what to expect, read books on beginning school or daycare.
- Work closely with teachers: Tell the kindergarten or childcare centre’s teachers about your child’s separation anxiety. They can provide insightful analysis and techniques, as they have helped children through this phase. They can also give updates on how your child is adjusting, which would help to relax your own worries.
When Should One Look for Additional Help?
Although separation anxiety is a natural phase, occasionally it may be more severe or persistent. Seeking professional help is always a smart idea, whether your child’s anxiety is seriously affecting their daily life, causing them utter misery, or if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the circumstances.
Your GP or a child psychologist can offer direction and techniques catered to your child’s particular needs. They might also be able to arrange for you access to parent support groups or resources. Sometimes families might think about using a home care service provider for extra help during periods of especially difficult separation anxiety or during transitions. These experts can provide customised care and assistance in your familiar surroundings—your own house.
Read more about home care services here:
You Got This!
Remember, you are not by yourself negotiating this period of toddlerhood. Many Australian families share a regular experience with separation anxiety. Treat yourself and your small one patiently. Even if you’re not right by their side, by regularly and lovingly applying these ideas, you can help your child grow the confidence and security they need to thrive. Honour the little successes, respect their emotions, and hope this phase will finally pass. You are doing a really great job!
We would be quite interested to know about your experiences with separation anxiety. With your young children, what techniques have you discovered to be useful? Comments below allow you to share your ideas and advice!
